No, I did not pee my pants.

The other day I got up early, put on my knee braces, took two puffs of my inhaler, and headed out with a crowd to run four miles. It was a local race to raise money for a local charity. It was very hot already at 8am. We started off the first mile by climbing over a bridge. This was just a dose of the rest of the race of various hills and bridges winding around a small city. Not cool man, not cool. Along this race, they had water stops every mile, which was awesome. By mile 3, they handed out a new surprise of cold wet towels to wipe your face, put on your neck and help you feel less like you’re going to pass out. I had never been to a race that had done that. It felt so nice. When I crossed the finish line, they were handing out more towels of heaven. Of course I took one to enjoy.

I wandered over to the coolers to grab some chocolate milk, water, and a snack and found a patch of shady grass to relax with my beverages and towel. I sat sipping on my drinks, learning to breathe like a normal person again, and enjoying the cool wet towel now sitting on my head. Once my drinks were empty, I stopped panting like a dog, and had removed my knee braces, it was time to find my car. As I stood up and looked down, I realized it look like I had peed my pants. Before putting the towel on my head, I had been holding the cloth over my lap, not thinking about the fact it had been dripping wet. Wearing light brown shorts, where ever the water had touched was now a very dark brown. Great, just great. I thought about moving into the sun to see if would dry my pants, but I didn’t want to take that time or get hot again. I did catch a small break. There were some people passing out some re-useable bags that were decent size. So I asked for one, threw my knee braces and snacks in it and wandered off to find my car awkwardly holding the bag more over the front of my pants then to the side like it would normally hang.

Moral of this story: Wear black pants to all races or when handed a cool wet towel, keep it on your head, shoulders or neck, never ever over your lap.

These Aren't New

The other day I was at work, running on no energy, no sleep, and at this point my brain was in the process of trying to figure out the best escape route from my head. Is it though the nose or the ears? If you go Egyptian style, they would say nose.

I went over to one of my tables and asked if they would like some more bread. They were like sure. I kindly asked them if they could pass me their bread board, I’d bring them a new one. Now holding the breadboard in my hands I look down, and go, well actually they aren’t new. We’ve had these for a while, but I can get you another one. I had a confused look on my face, they started to giggle. There was no recovery from this word vomit. I shrugged and walked away get some more bread.

Fly on the Wall

There is a saying that goes, I would love to be a fly on a wall in that room. This is usually used when people are getting in trouble or interesting information is going on that they would like to know about. If I was a fly, and I was sitting on a wall, where would I want to be?

My first thought would be the White House or UN, but I feel like politics would put me to sleep, I’d fall off and be stepped on.

Next thought was a comedy club, but just as much as I’d laugh I’d probably also cry. Not all comics are actually good.

If I went to a factory that sold cookies I’d get really fat, slow, and they’d try and kill me for sanitation reasons.

Hospitals can be very depressing. You have people in pain from breaking bones, people crying for the loss of loved ones or getting diagnosed with some kind of diseases or cancer. Then you have the labor and delivery floor where you have women and babies screaming. No thank you.

Wedding venus would just be too stressful. Seeing the bride yell at people, or cry for no reason, people walking around in clothes that don't really fit well, pretnding to say hi to relatives they don't really know anymore. No thanks.

Factories are too loud and busy.

I was thinking some kind of child care center where little kids are always playing, painting, running, jumping and having fun. There little rambling and light of discovery still in there eyes. It sounds perfect until one of them falls down and skins their knee. Then it is tears and wailing. Nope, I’m going to pass.

Malls would be great for people watching. However,  sometimes seeing people wear spandex when they shouldn’t might blind a few of my eyes.

Going to a gaming company like Blizzard might be fun but too many games causes’ people to become violent. Yeah, video games, that’s the reason……..

I think the best play for me would be in some kind of no kill animal shelter. I’d be able to watch puppies and kitties all day. If I was bored I could go sand buzz around them and get them to chase me. They have some fun toys like balls and bells. Yes, I think an animal shelter would be a good place to be a fly on the wall.

It may change, but today, this fly would like to play with puppies and kitties.