The past does not alway equal the future.

While trolling through the feeds on Facebook one of my friends had the above picture with the saying attached to it posted.

I looked at it. Read the words, re-read them, and then left for a little bit just to come back and read it again.

It's true. There is no argument, that pops into my head at least, that can disprove this statement.

Especially if you take it and apply it to relationships which I am about to do.

Over the last year or so I’ve told myself that I need to be open to the possibility of meeting new people (and by people I mean guys) and seeing where it goes.

I’ve had quite a few first dates, meetings, greetings, and the chances to meet some cool new gentlemen.

I’ve also had epic fails. Everything from just awkward conversations, meetings, stares, people being in different places both physically or emotionally, to wondering if I’m going to be added their list of yet another women that’s wronged them in some way.

As much as sometimes I worry about if by talking, hanging out with or making out with some of these guys if I’m helping, hurting, or am just another blip on their life’s radar. For me, I know every new guy I've met, I can and have learned something. It varies from just conversations that I should or shouldn’t have, to fun facts, to likes and dislikes I can deal with, personality quarks that are too much to handle, all the way to things that are what I consider deal breakers.

Through all of this learning and growing, this post reminds me of one thing.

My past relationships, good, bad, indifferent are beating up my future.

I am still scared. I am still worried. I am still afraid to invest. I am still afraid to be disappointed. I am still afraid to trust. I am still holding back. I am still keeping people at arm’s reach. I am still pushing back. I am hiding. I am still running.

I am doing exactly what this post is telling me, very wisely, not to do.

As much as I hope for, want, and look forward to the future. My past has me scared and sometimes both intentionally and un-intentionally sabotaging my future.  

Wow. That was rough to type.

Wow, that is even harder to acknowledge.

Admitting there is a problem is according to the big giant “They” the first step.

I can check that off the list now. 

Second step?

I have no idea.

I’ll just have to work on that part. 

Are you doing the same thing as I am? Intentionally and un-intentionally sabotaging your future? Let’s acknowledge it and start to figure what the second step is.