What Is That?!?!?!

"Image courtesy of "Stuart Miles" / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What is that!?!?  

Poke.

Poke.

Poke. Taking hand and covering it up.

Side boob? Are my armpits fat? Kind of? Can I cut it off? How much would that hurt? Are the knives in housewares that far off? Can if fix that? Is that side bigger than the other side?

Yesterday's lunch hour was spent at my least favorite task, bra shopping.

Now, I know these are necessary evil. One, no one likes THO, (Titty Hard On) except maybe guys. Two, the right bra not only makes you look good, but also feel good as well.

This, however, was not the case yesterday.

My trip wasn't for pleasure. It was out of desperate need. All of my bras at home were either falling apart, had bent wires, kept poking in the side boob, were falling off, or just plain ugly. I had to go shopping.

Now, most guys, will never experience the horror that is bra shopping.

I hate it so much I would rather go swimsuit shopping.

Yes, I did just say that. Swim. Suit. Shopping. Would be better than bra shopping.

Hot Now = Stop

There are some reasons that no matter what you’re doing or where you’re going you must stop. Krispy Kreme Hot Now Sign being on is one of those reasons.

I was not a Krispy Kreme fan when I was younger.  I think it was because these were always in our church after mass. Cold, sweet, and not filling. Everything changed the day I was introduced to the Kirspy Kreme Hot Now Sign. This large florescent orange/red sign burning itself into my soul.

Okay, that was a little dramatic, but have you ever had one of these fresh off of the belt? Watching them take their ride on the conveyor belt, into the hot oil, through a waterfall of icing? No other doughnut can beat a hot fresh Krispy Kreme doughnut. Unless it has the word Amish or Grandma’s in front of it, at least.

So driving to meet a friend for dinner I was passing by the store. The light is on.

Like a moth to a bug zapper I instantly turn in. I walk through the doors, a few people are chatting while enjoying coffee and doughnuts, it smells like how I would like heaven to smell. I order my two doughnuts.

Over the years I’ve learned this is the best number for me. The first one you eat so fast you barely taste it. The second one satisfies the craving. The third, can be done, but is getting very close to the sugar coma line. By 4, yes I’ve eaten 4 in one sitting before,  there is the instant shakes and sugar overload. You go from feeling good and just a little guilty to your entire organs are now vibrating.  You can almost feel the release of insulin that is needed to process these fried treats. In other words you feel like crap. So my limit is two.

I as one lady brings me out my two little fried puffs of heaven, one lady is ringing me up.  The angel with the fresh doughnuts starts to fumble with a bag. I kindly tell her, no need for the bag. I’m about to eat these now right now. They give me a puzzled look. This is confusing; because you’d think that because of the seats in the place they would have had that answer before.

I sit at my little white table with two chairs. After sending a boasting picture to a friend, I dig in. Only about 3 minutes later these morsels have been devoured, the fingers have been licked clean, and the trash thrown away. With another thank you so much to the employee at the cash register, I head out to dinner.

Go Fish

I had some girl friends over the other night. The topic wound its way around from dinner, to Thanksgiving, to puzzles, to random things, and of course to boys.  This topic comes up frequently but we discussed something I hadn’t really pondered on in a long time.  

Everyone knows the classic stand by line for people who have just broken up with someone, or something didn’t work out, they say “There are always more fish in the sea,” which I followed up with, “but if you keep using the same bait you’ll keep catching the same thing.”

Conversation ended for a moment as they both pondered this. I don’t always listen to myself when I talk so I actually pondered this with them. I’m like Alice from Alice in Wonderland, “I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.” Or in my case listen to it.

If this saying is broken down, there are always fish in the sea, this is correct. The sea or any big body of water is teeming with life. There can be hundreds of species in the a very small area. Check out anything on the Discovery channel or Nature show. However, if fishing on a lake or a river or in the ocean and the only bait being used is worms, there are only so many fish that will want to eat the worm. Sharks cannot be caught with a worm.  

Stop and take a moment and think about how this has been played out before. The beautiful sweet girl that keeps dating jerks that treat her like crap. The nice guy who keeps dating controlling bitches. The guy who keeps dating drama queens,  just to name a few.

Now, part of the dating is just exposure to the different kinds of people. If the area being fished is a river and the hopes are for a shark and not a bass, this is not going to happen.  

But what I’m pondering is the best most controllable issue here, the bait. Or in this case me. How, if I am tired to dating and hanging out with the jerks and the assholes, can I attack something else? How does one change from a worm to something the shark would eat, like a croaker or eel?