Over Whelmed

So this year has been a little crazy for me, I had the honor and privilege of getting married to New Dude.

That being said there was an engagement, bridal showers, girls weekend, dress shopping, wedding, honeymoon, and all the excitement and stress that comes along with that.

Add in our cute little new fur baby, Teach joining our family. Now that everything is done, we're still continuing of with events for friends, family, and soon to be the holidays.

This isn't a post to brag or a post complain, it's a post to say that I'm exhausted. I am also writing it confess about my lack of ability to make decisions, complete tasks and daily goals have been stunted. I cannot seem to follow through with them.

I could be laying in bed with my running shoes, knee braces, all my workout clothes and still crawl back into bed and hit the alarm for another hour.

I have wasted a weekend on the couch, stayed up late during the week doing nothing, and all I get is regret and nowhere.

I think part of it is still transitioning into married life and the slightly differences it is between dating and engaged life. Thought not too much different, we've been living together for several years, there are still some differences.

Talking with New Dude the other night I confessed to him the strange mantra I have going in my head, not daily, but more often than not. Its the same thought that I'm both currently the youngest I'll ever be again and the oldest I've ever been. It's an odd mantra right? Maybe this is the clock that everyone talks about? Feeling the pressure of time? I lean towards not only because I've always kind of had my own time-line, why would I feel the pressure for that now? Could be though.

Another thought was that I have to clock and justify every 15 minute increments while at work and have been doing so for about 5 or 6 months now. Maybe the constant review and checking of the clock  is subconsciously causing a heightened sense time passing.

Another pride point for me was my lack of fear of failing. I know a few people in my life who are so afraid of failing they don't even try or attempt to try new items/things/life changes. Well, maybe the pride came before the fall and now I've hit the fall part?

I'm not sure, but I'm working on it and through it. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know with a comment below, I'd appreciate it.

Paintballing

A few weekends ago New Dude and his brother and I went paint balling. I've been one time before with my friend J. We were in the woods, used a Groupon, and had a blast.

It is such a crazy rush to have projectiles fly g by your body and KNOW they are intentionally going towards your head.

We'll this time was also fun, but maybe not a blast.

For one thing I was kind of out of it. I don't think my head was 100% in the game.

Also, the day before we had gone to Busch Gardens, so late getting into my mom's, a early morning and a late night.

So unfocused plus not the best, or to me, clear directions and a gun that kept jamming up.

It was going okay, until I got hit in the head. Not my face, the head where there was no protection. It hurt, but more than hurting I think it scared me and made me mad. I really hate people hitting my head. I think most people do but I think I'm overly sensitive about it.

When I went back to the rest area/shoot free zone/holding pen area I had sad face on. Sad face quickly turned to crying Shannon. Crying Shannon is not attractive. It makes New Dude very sad and confused and his brother even more confused and unsure on what to do.

As I stand there crying, trying to not let the other people hear/see me (I was like one out of 4-5 girls out of a group of 30+ people) New Dude was unsure of what to do. The whole time I had hot tears falling down my cheeks all I could think is "There is no crying in base..er paintball."

Well, after a few short moments and some tears I forge on and put my face mask back on and head out.

One game we play I get shot out and the shot again when walking out. That one really hurts and I say very loudly, "Son of a *%#€@!" The ref says they don't mean it. I said loudly that it doesn't mean it hurts any less.

Picture of mark from second shot.

I am now on the sidelines steaming a breathing hard and fighting back more tears.

The  silver lining is that I was able to pull myself together and stay composed for the rest of the time. 

Another paintball hit me in the head, less direct a second time, 

I got out pretty much every round but I think I did get one other person out.

Oh, and some bad ass bruises to wear to work. That is one thing they don't list on paintball sites, pictures of the bruises that you're more than likely going to get.

Yes, the answer is yes, I would go again. I think I need more layers, helmet, and to get my head focused into the game first. 

Has anyone else gone paint balling? Has anyone else had this kind of struggle during the game or another game? Please let me know with a comment below. 

The Moment

It's bed time.

You've let the dog out for the last time.

Contacts have been peeled off eyeballs and stored neatly away in contact solution.

You've brushed your teeth and taken your last potty break for the day.

Clothes start to come off and put in the hamper and PJ'S take their place.

As you glance at the bed, in that one quick glance, your dreams are crushed.

You realize that you took the sheets off earlier in the day and forgot to put the clean sheets on.

The debate of crawling into bed anyways, to sleep on top of the comforter, sleep on the couch or put the sheets on.

You hear your mother's voice in your head reminding you of what needs to be done.

Defeated, on the verge of throwing a little kids temper tantrum, you slowly half stomp to the linen closet to get a clean set of sheets.

True story, it just happened to me a day ago. Has anyone had one of these moments? Please let me know with a comment below. Thanks!