When I ripped out the neck of my zebra cake for my 26th birthday, I didn’t realize the consequences of that action. First, it was super cool and fun. Second, it was like the third thing I ate that day after being stupid hung over. It was an amazing cake and I was able to cross, eat zebra off my bucket list. Third, things changed.
Something happened that day, I didn’t know it then, but I
know it now, but officially things had changed. By just adding 365 days to my
25th birthday and things evolved.
Since that day the zebra cake slowly bled upon my table.
No seriously it did. My friend filled it with cherry filling so it oozed out.
Awesome right? I began to not only understand things but accept them.
One of the most powerful things I’ve learned is to be
happy with the skin you’re in. I’ve been saying this since high school. I
believed it most of the time too. However, as I look into the mirror at my 5’2”
height that I was hoping for bigger boobs, about 3 inches taller, I realized,
yup, this is it. This is all I have. So I have two options, hate it or love it.
I find loving it to be a lot easier.
I think the show “What Not To Wear” is a great example of
how to embrace your body. At this point in the game it is all about comfort and
what makes you look good. Red is a great color for me. Yellow is not. Wide leg
pants are not flattering while slightly flared ones are. Short skirts look
better then long ones and A frame dresses work better then tube dresses. Sure
I’d like to walk around looking like one of Victoria Secrete Angels with their
long thin bodies and big boobs, but I’m not shaped like that. I’m not willing
to go through surgeries to look like that, so why keep fretting over something
I cannot have. Accent the eye, show off the curves I do have, and let the curls
fly and be done with it. All the worry about something you “don’t have” is
useless. Why worry every single day about what you don’t have when you can just
learn to accept what you do have?
I also have come to a lot of new realizations about
dating.
Dating is different now. If games that were used in High
School or the first two years of college are still normal for you, grow up.
There is no point to them. The requirements are different now than they were
back then. Don’t run from it, embrace it and keep on going. When people are in
their teens and even early 20s just having a cute face, decent body, being a
good kisser, and fun to hang out with were all that was required. That is not
the case anymore, or at least not for me, and that is okay.
Don’t get me wrong, those things are still somewhat
important, if you don’t want to make out with the person then any relationship
is doomed. But other things are now more important like the ability to have a
keep a job, being able to take care of things without Mummy or Daddy stepping
in ALL the time. You still need Mummy and Daddy sometimes, but not every
decision. Making mistakes are fine as long as you’re learning from them. Having
a concept of a budget and money is a requirement. Common sense and knowing when
to ask for help. Having hobbies and ways to de-stress. How to interact appropriately with people is important.
No one wants someone who says the wrong thing every time they open their mouths.
When dating the person shouldn’t just make you happy,
they should bring out the best person you can be. You should also bring out the
best person they can be. They have to accept the good and the bad but mostly
bring out the good. No one wants to be criticized or criticize all the time. If
they do find someone else. I don’t want to do that to someone and they shouldn’t
want to do that to me.
I also realized that when you start to date someone, you
aren’t just bringing them into your life and vice a versa, you’re bring in
their friends, their family, their problems, their drama. If it is super scary
to start out with run while you still can. Dating someone is different from
your family in the fact you can CHOOSE who you end up with. Your family is what
it is, for better or worse there are no trades in or upgrades.
Saying no is okay and allowed. Pretending to be dumb or compliant is only going to get you into places and situations you don’t want to be in. I’m not saying scream and shout and have a hissy fit. But if someone suggest a scary movie and you really don’t like scary movies politely decline. It is okay to say no.
It is okay to have certain issues that are deal breakers.
If you want kids and who you’re talking with does not, and you are not okay
with that…. Well it could be a deal breaker. It’s your life, why are you going
to compromise on your major goals and values for someone? You don’t except them
to, so don’t do that to yourself. Ask these questions sooner rather than later.
Why wait three months just to ask these big life questions, that could be deal
breakers when you can get it cleared out in the first few weeks or month?
Time frames are different and communication is now
different. If you like someone let them know. Don’t become a stalker, but
waiting 3 days, or 6 hours, to make the move, is stupid. Just go for it. If
you’re the only one making the moves ALL the time, re-evaluate, but the rules
have changed, aggressive can be good. If it isn’t not, they probably weren’t
the one anyway.
Go on first dates, exchange numbers, talk to people both
in and out of your “league.” Why? Why not? The worst case scenario is that you
have a horrible time but end up with a great story. Or you could end up with a
new friend or even “the one.”
Do not hold back on who you are on dates. Tone it down a
little but don’t hold back. A lot of my girlfriends differ on this, but I don’t
see the point. I get loud when I’m excited, I ponder random things, I enjoy
cheese, I get distracted by shiny objects, I have some road rage issues, I
start sentences mid thought, topics get derailed all the time, and sometimes,
they don’t get back on track, ever, and if you say the word squirrel, I look
around like the dog from the movie UP. I am like this, I am going to be like
this, this is not a phase that I’ll
grow out of. I feel like it needs to be accepted or not. If you don’t like
these things than that is fine, I’m not asking you change don’t ask me to
change. Holding back crazy, as I use to call it, is a waste of my time and theirs.
This phase of life you should be changing what you can but more importantly
accepting what you cannot.
Do not settle for Mr. Right Now, wait for Mr. Right. Or
if you’re a dude reading this blog, look for Ms. Right, not Ms. Right Now. Also
think about what marriage means to you. It is more than walking down the isle, throwing
flowers, eating cake, and wearing a really heavy expensive dress. What does a
marriage actually mean to you?
If your friends don’t want to spend time with you and
your new beau, then you need to find out why and fix it. For the most part your
friends can see things that the little hearts that are now in your eyes are
blinding you too. Ask them for their opinion but don’t attack them for their
impressions. They might be seeing all the red flags that you cannot or
unwilling to see. Listen to them and make your own decisions, but give them a
fair chance. They are only looking out for your best interest. Unless you are
part of a soap opera and then run. Run, far, far, far away.
I have changed. Life has changed. The dating game has
changed. Accept it or don’t that is your choice, just try and be happy and true
to yourself because in the end, that is all anyone really wants to be or for
other people to be, happy.
I like your crazy ma'am.
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