Eleanor Gets a Bath

For those of you who do not know Eleanor you should be sad. She is one of the sexiest cars you shall ever have the pleasure to lay eyes on. Eleanor is an Oldsmobile Delta 88 from 1988. She is maroon, a beast, and like me, kind of hard and banged up on the outside but soft and squish on the inside.

Bent Antenna

She’s the first car I’ve ever officially owned by myself.  For all of her flaws: steering wheel randomly dropping plastic on my lap while driving, a sever drinking problem (she chugs gas like it’s nothing), driver side window is really hard to roll up, the breaks squeak every time it rains, the speedometer isn’t quite right, the seat belt randomly unlatching, the radio  changing volume for no reason, a door handle is coming off, ceiling starting to sag, all of her scratches, dents, dings, and missing paint, she is mine and she is awesome.

For having so much character the benefits outweigh her flaws. No car payment, she gets me from point A to point B, I never have to worry about anyone breaking in to steal the tape player, bench seats so I can take 6 people instead of your standard 5, velour seats, a huge body carrying…er I mean suit case carrying trunk, I always have ugly car rules in my favor,  super cheap insurance and when going through the shadier parts of town no one ever looks my direction. (I don’t go through those places on purpose, I just get lost easily.) You don’t find cars with her kind of bad ass personality anymore.  

I’ve gotten distracted, back to the story. I decided a to give her a bath. The last time I rewarded her with a bath it was because she made it back and forth to Virginia Beach over Afton Mountain. That actually wasn’t a good idea. I was lazy and went through one of those automated carwashes.  Not only did the carwash do a poor job by leaving most of the dirt still on her, it  bent her antenna.

I decided to take her a self serve carwash. After cleaning the dashboards and other plastic parts, attempting to clean my windows, and taking out random items thrown about the inside,  to the carwash we went.

The day when I accidentally bent her antenna was the last time I personally vacuumed her out. $1.50 and two vacuum time allotments latter, her floors and seats look fantastic. Time to rub a dub in the tub, or in this case, car shower? It has been a while so I had to first read what all the settings where, figure out where they hid the brush, power washer, and where the money goes, hey look, they now accept credit cards! Windows rolled up? Check. Doors shut? Check. Money? Check. Let’s do this.

Put my $5 in and the time immediately starts ticking. Just so you know, hitting the stop button does not actually make anything stop. I thought I’d pause time while I figured out what setting to go with first. It didn’t so the race was on. 9 minutes to get her clean.

Best way to start is always to do a quick rinse. Not only was I blasting dirt and bugs off of Eleanor but I saw a fair amount of clear coat and paint chips fly off as well. Alright she’s damp, now time to scrub. Have you held one of those car brushes in a while? They are kind of heavy, badly balances and the stupid hose keeps thwacking me and Eleanor while I run around trying to beat the clock. Top, bottom, sides, windshield, side mirrors, bumper check. Then it’s back to rising.

The dial suggests wax. It brings back a memory of when someone else suggested I wax Eleanor. I told them the same thing I kept telling myself, there’s no point but I turned the dial anyway. I think the next setting was the most fun. It said it would help protect her clear coat. I laughed and walked around spraying the wax on. I think the best way to protect her clear coat at this point is by hand washing her instead of using a power washer. Even then there would still be paint chip loss. Then the option for a spotless rinse. The time starts to  beep telling me the game is all over. The pressure in the power gun goes limp.

I take a moment to survey my surroundings. Eleanor is all shiny, clean, and wet. Various colored liquids, bubbles, water, and paint chips drift towards the drain. A job well done. I driver her home and realize that clean cars are like clean sheets, they just make you feel better.

In summary, I think Eleanor is missing more paint then before, and being all squeaky cleans just shows off all of her scratches, dents, dings, bumps, and other abuses she’s taken. Dirt is the concealer of the car world.  But I’m happy so I’m guessing she is too.